Next to consider then was what am I anxious about after the interpersonal stuff. Given the current situation in this country and on this planet, the next issues that stress me are politics and environmental collapse. This was always true, but I felt I could hold off on thinking about this at least while working on myself. To linger with the same topics of self-reflection is to merely repeat what I have been doing. It seems like the very trap self-reflection can become. I could easily return to any of my previous efforts and do a little more, another painting of a kind face, more sculptures, and so on. I have received positive reaction towards the work, specifically the objects made, and I could merely make more of it. But it has been my experience that any meaningful insight was gained through the process of creation, not from the evidence of the works made.
So I moved forward with work that lets me explore my understanding of the two situations of American democracy and climate change. It was a narrative work, progressing from previous conclusions.
I was asked to attend a convention themed around the post-apocalypse. This was marketed with pop culture imagery based on Cold War fears of nuclear annihilation from the Soviet Union. Even the most recent references, such as the Fallout video game series or movies such as Fury Road still traffic in this now nostalgic imagery. I did not want to participate in that as I am frankly not worried about being bombed by the Soviet Union. At the moment, I am more specifically worried about white supremacy and environmental collapse. And so I began by making a costume for my costume, now viewing it as a separate and distinct character (previously this was made to explore identity and was “me”). The conclusions looked hopeful and fearful, and wearing it to the convention generated interactions that communicated this clearly.
I also set up plans and writings for a story of this character, now named “Hundo” which means “dog” in Esperanto. Here is a diagram of scenarios that I would render as interactive illustrations. This was not Meatball, or Chris’s depression. I was not working through my most direct personal issues and so I was not identifying with this character directly. But now made, the character was a useful agent to use in this new form for a new concern, readymade with associations already built in.