My companion painting Paternal Identity follows a similar narrative of Maternal Identity, with the exploration of the roles of both my biological and adoptive fathers and how they have influenced my identity. Both were absent most of my life. My biological father was always an unknown and an image in my imagination as a child. My adoptive father became absent when I was about the age of the child in the painting.

This year my adoptive father passed away. We had a long distance relationship all of my adult life, always underscored with feelings of regret and disconnect.

Two years ago I connected with my biological father. (Another story for another day.) We are slowly creating a new relationship this too filled with some regret. He never knew I was born.

I reflected on where my placement was in this identity painting and once again put myself in the center as child in the arms of my adoptive father, happy in the moment. But the rest of the painting is frozen in that time. There is no progression of the child, just a memory of a moment. The rest of the painting is shrouded in darkness, uncertainty and the unknown identity of both fathers.

The two figures at the bottoms of the painting, one on the right and one on the left, are of both fathers in a state of absence or leaving. There is a divide, a moving away from the center. All the images of the fathers recede in comparison to the image of the shinning child in the middle.

This painting depicts how I revere the role of fatherhood and each father, as well as the child wears a halo. Only the child has a halo of gold leaf, pure and untarnished. The halos of the fathers lack luminosity and the light that could influence the child in unknown ways. Fatherhood is a divine and noble role misunderstood and un-embraced by the fathers in this painting.

 

 

Process Studies- 8″x 8″