I like to work with duration and repetitive actions of a body.

As a means for centering my practice during this strange year of mostly sheltering in place alone, I developed a seated meditation practice. For two months, as a way to become more consistent, I documented when and for how long these meditations occurred. I tried breathing meditations, seated and lying down. My body struggled to find comfort. Experienced in other forms of movement meditation, I tried walking meditations in a nearby park. I also tried drawing meditations, which led to a short series of ‘blind drawing’ meditations. Made before and after a seated meditation, I closed my eyes and ‘drew’ my breath. That is, the pencil became a witness, an external mark-making extension of the breath pulsing in-out, through my body. These blind drawings are shown at the bottom of the page. The process of durational action is something I return to again and again in my work. I am still experimenting with means of documentation.

1 September 2020
Morning. Seated Mediation on the floor, silent, self-directed. 20 minutes

2 September 2020 (Full Moon)
Intended to meditate late in the day. Forgot.

3 September 2020
Morning. Legs elevated mediation. Tried to use a YouTube Video with WKZ. The audio did not come through and the timer reset before I could read it. 25-30 minutes? so it was silent and self guided. Breath and body came to focus.

5 September 2020
Early evening (before dinner). Metamorphosis breathing mediation. 30-40 minutes. 2-6.

6 September 2020
Did not sit. Restless. Exhausted. Slow and holding it together.

7 September 2020
Morning. Seated silent meditation. Floor. 33 minutes.
Post-Reflection: Time, bodies. What brings us closer together, what has longevity?

8 September 2020
Afternoon. Seated breathing meditation. Truncated by life and family messaging.

9 September 2020

Seated meditation, 26 minutes, silent. The building is a symphony of garbage chutes opening and slamming, hammering, thumping.

10 September 2020
Seated up, Sound breathing techniques as meditations. Approx. 15 minutes
Felt balancing.

11 September 2020
Floor seated silent meditation. Feeling more natural to wake up and do this, even if I ‘don’t really want to’ or more accurately, I think there are other things I would rather do. Knee was unhappy, but not yet aggravated towards a painful aftermath place… I sat on the floor for about 18 minutes, then moved to a seated up place even though I thought I was done when I got off the floor, but no. Seated up I chanted and worked with vibrational breathing.

I have had Rilke’s words in my head the past few days – Wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben. (Herbsttag)

13 September 2020
Felt inclined to sit in meditation this morning. Also resistant. Alone?
Chose to sit with a one hour dharma talk podcast with Jack Kornfield.
Happy I did.

15 September 2020
Silent meditation on my back with legs up the wall, 22 minutes.

16 September 2020
Seated on a chair, breathing meditations. 20 minutes.

17 September 2020
morning drawing meditation
30 minutes

18 September 2020
Seated meditation, 25 minutes

19 September 2020
Awoke later then I had planned after a terrible broken night of sleep. A walk across town to location for recording audio. Skipped morning meditation thinking I would meditate there. I suppose it was a meditation of sorts, and also not really.

20 September
Seated meditation, 30 minutes

21 September Equinox
Seated mediatation – 31 minutes. Left foot fell asleep after about 20 minutes?- had to unfurl my quasi lotus to sit with legs extended or bent parallel, knees to ceiling
Able to sit more faithfully with the breath – and mind objects were objects to be noticed and released.  Feel inclined to have another seated meditation or hear a dharma talk tonight in observance of the equinox

22 September 2020
31 minute morning meditation. good.

23 September 2020
Seated (floor) drawing meditation, closed eyes, 5 minutes
Seated breathing meditation.
I am here.
Here I am.
This breathing body.
Light.
Sound.
Vibrations

 >>>> Isn’t the sense of touch, amazing?

Floor, seated drawing mediation. Closed eyes. 5 minutes. Totally different feeling and result!

24 September 2020
floor seated drawing of the breath, eyes closed      
seated meditation, 31 minutes
repeat

floor seated drawing of the breath, eyes closed

25 September 2020
Seated meditation, 20 minutes

26 September 2020
Did not meditate

27 September 2020
Drawing the breath meditation
Morning seated meditation, 25 minutes
Drawing the breath meditation

Afternoon – 25 minutes of Breathing Meditation (Metamorphosis)

28 September 2020
Drawing the breath meditation
Floor seated meditation 31 minutes. Good.
Drawing the breath meditation

29 September 2020
Drawing meditation
Floor – Seated meditation 30 minutes. A little restless physically. Perhaps I need to have exercise practice before the meditation.
Drawing meditation

30 September 2020

Forgot the drawn breath meditation but had a 25 minute meditation lying down with legs up. Got cold on the floor and left earlier than anticipated.

01 October 2020

kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 30 minutes.
kneeling, drawing breath

02 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 25 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

03 October 2020

kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 25 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

04 October 2020
seated meditation short/12 minutes, did not draw breath.

05 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 30 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

06 October 2020
Qi-Gung breath and movement meditation 10 minutes
Seated drawing meditation, ellipses.

07 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. Hoped for 35 minutes, sat for 24. Knee hurt.
kneeling, drawing breath

Meditational pencil drawing, negative space

08 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 34 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

Meditational pencil drawing, negative space

Afternoon- Metamorphosis breathing meditation work, 25 minutes

09 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 20 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

10 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath

Seated floor, silent meditation. 25 minutes
note – heart opening, a tight ball of unreleased emotions around that. pelvis/femur relation changing. Sometimes my knee does not bother me while seated, only afterwards, but less than before. Slowing feeling a restructuring to release the kink that became so clear in the Dying to Live performance.

kneeling, drawing breath

11 October 2020
Jack Kornfield dharma talk, 30 minutes

12 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
lying down, silent meditation. 15 minutes – mind is restless and wandering
13 minute seated silent meditation
kneeling, drawing breath

13 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated floor, silent meditation. 30 minutes
am able to sit for longer periods now, notice that my mental restless-wandering seems to settle down and dissipate after about 25 minutes of sitting. Considering extending seated meditations towards an hour. However also notice around 30 minutes, my knee protests.

kneeling, drawing breath

14 October 2020

kneeling, drawing breath
33 minutes seated up intentional breathing as meditation (metamorphosis partial and self directed at end)
kneeling, drawing breath

15 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
floor seated meditation 32 minutes.
kneeling, drawing breath

16 October 2020 

walking meditation in the park, 50 minutes

17 October 2020

Floor Seated morning meditation. 28 minutes
Identity. name, place. How do we know ourselves in the world? To what group or space do we relate and create meaning/identity?

18 October 2020
50 minute walk in park, meditational. Awareness of sounds, and the gaze of others, and awareness developing of whose gaze, once met, will smile.

Seated meditation at the flat, 15 minutes.

19 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
seated meditation, 25 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

20 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated silent breathing meditation, 32 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

21 October 2020
1 hour walking meditation in park just after sunrise

22 October 2020
Awoke in middle of night. 20 minute breathing meditation podcast to get back to sleep

kneeling, drawing breath
seated breathing meditation, 22 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

23 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
Seated meditation with YouTube videorecording of WKZ. Needed to connect.
32 minutes
kneeling, drawing breath

24 October 2020
GK for about 45 minutes, then onto art practice and breakfast.
Meant to have a seated mediation later in the day. Did not. The GK was a moving breathing meditation though. Quite perfect really.
Also had a one hour walking meditation. (non-traditional)
The walks are more than just exercise now. I find that being in a relocated exile during COVID lockdown, the silent seated meditations on my own are becoming harder to sustain beyond the first 20 minutes. I spend most of every day silent, breathing, moving through this enclosed space of the flat… the walks are just as present, maybe more so. My head clears, I have epiphanies or just silence from the screaming silence and wheels of self-(MFA student)-critique.
I see. I listen. I breathe. I am present. And best of all on a good walk, I exchange at least one really good smile with someone. Sometimes more than 3 depending on the time of day and location and whether I am wearing a mask.

25 October 2020
kneeling, drawing breath
seated breathing meditation, 20 minutes (restless after 16 minutes)
kneeling, drawing breath

walking meditation (90 minutes)

26 October 2020

Seated breathing meditation, 26 minutes.

27 October 2020
seated meditation, 26 minutes

28 October 2020
Walk, 50 minutes

29 October 2020
Seated meditation with WKZ youtube podcast

30 October 2020
Walk, 50 minutes … Thinking about the gaze

31 October
Seated meditation podcast with Jack Kornfield. As I ‘drop in,’ he mentions the universe breathing me. So deep and poetic, and yet the reaction I notice immediately is that my lungs seem to contract. A feeling that breathing is a more labor-filled activity than before. Anxiety? Panic? Tension? A heavy Heart? … Trying to breathe as if stifling a cry. Fear of a deluge? I invite the tears. I am ready to abandon the meditation. I extend to myself permission to do so, and am brought back into the meditation as I listen to his words. A melting, a re-arriving. I consider what led me to such an uncomfortable place and the physical feelings begin to manifest anew. I continue to think calm as I breathe, in, out.  Eventually the tightness recedes, the deluge never arrives, and I sit in wonder of the universe breathing.

 

These drawings are not interesting to me as drawings, but rather as documentations. On one page, I draw the breath before a seated meditation, and then again afterwards. These blind drawings serve as documentation of how my  breath changes during a meditation, and that my breathing becomes more balanced over time, through the repeated action of sitting in meditation.